heavy heart

I've been trying to post for about two weeks now. Each time, something goes haywire with Blogger and it never publishes.

I really don't care though. If you want to know what is going on with me, then I will share with you a few things I have been praying for.

Nick Xiarhos was a close friend of my brother's. He was killed in Afghanistan at the end of last week. He and Matthew were deployed together last year in Iraq, but after returning he changed battalions so he would not have to extend his contract with the USMC. So, he departed in May for the tour in Afghanistan with the 2/8. My brother and Nick's other Marine brothers are all traveling together from Jacksonville, NC to Cape Cod, MA for his funeral at the end of the week. Please pray for this precious family. Please pray for our military. They are fighting for your freedom.

Sweet Stellan is having an awful time with his SVT again. His doctors are trying to figure out what is next. Please pray for his family.

Little Kate is six years old and has brain cancer. They did brain surgery and were able to remove 50% of the tumor and she has now begun chemotherapy. 4 weeks ago Kate was having tremors in her right hand so they took her to the doctor. That is the day their life changed.

My heart is heavy for these and so many others. Please go to your knees and lift these and all your requests to our heavenly father. Life is not easy. Jesus told us that in this world we would have trouble, but fear not, He has overcome this world. I wish there were some way to not hurt, but there isn't. I do know we don't have to walk this road alone, which I am so grateful for.

Our anniversary trip to Boston was wonderful. I cherish the time W and I had together. I love him dearly.

The children are well, just growing and playing and growing. T-Pup is officially signed up for soccer. Wow.

I've been watching this the past few days. Some think it is funny, and it is, but moreover I keep thinking of the joy in their hearts and the joy we will have when we dance before our King at the wedding banquet. When their is no hurt in our hearts. When we spend every moment of eternity in His presence. What a joyful day that will be.

Bringing in the Sheaves

I have to tell you about yesterday at church. There was a visiting couple sitting on the row in front of me during the service, and they have a baby who is several months old. The mom was playing with him, holding him, giving a bottle, and then handed him off to his dad. He gave him a little soft blanky and snuggled him up on his shoulder, and when the baby would resist the dad would gently rock him and sway a bit. In no time the baby was out, letting go of his grip on his daddy's shirt and sleeping. I'm not sure if the dad was hot or what, but he gently leaned forward and took the blanket away. He then put the baby back on his shoulder and continued to hold him while he was sleeping.

You got it. I wept.

The Father holds us. He rocks us with love. Sometimes he takes away things so dear to us for reasons we don't understand, but He is still holding us so close to His heart.

I feared writing this because I'm thinking sure enough I share my heart and what I saw and something dear is going to be taken from me. But, it's as Oswald Chambers said this morning "We say we do not expect God to take us to heaven on flowery beds of ease, and yet we act as if we do!"

The service progressed and I felt so tender and vulnerable before the Lord. I love that. A few moments later we sang this song...

Sowing in the morning, sowing seeds of kindness,
Sowing in the noontide and the dewy eve;
Waiting for the harvest, and the time of reaping,
We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves.

Refrain:
Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves,
We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves;
Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in the sheaves,
We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves.

Sowing in the sunshine, sowing in the shadows,
Fearing neither clouds nor winter’s chilling breeze;
By and by the harvest, and the labor ended,
We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves.

Going forth with weeping, sowing for the Master,
Though the loss sustained our spirit often grieves;
When our weeping’s over, He will bid us welcome,
We shall come rejoicing, bringing in the sheaves

You got it. More weeping. He is so faithful, and I can't help but believe no matter where I am sowing in life, He is still good. He is still faithful. I pray I am rejoicing bringing in the sheaves.

Amazing Woven Into The Lives Of So Many

Last week, we celebrated Memorial Day. W had the day off, so we took the opportunity to be lazy, grill out, watch movies, and be lazy. I don't remember us having a day so relaxed and unscheduled since his Christmas break last year.

One of the movies we rented was Taking Chance. I watched this back in the spring and told W how great of a movie it was and how I believed everyone in this nation needed to see it. Hey, you, go watch it.

So we watched it late Sunday night. Monday was Memorial Day, and I kept thinking back to the movie. I kept thinking about my brother. I kept thinking about the blood that has been shed for this country. I kept thinking about Jordan Haerter. Jordan was a friend of my brother's who served alongside him in the 1/9 in Ramadi, Iraq. On April 22, 2008, Jordan paid the ultimate sacrifice. In his sacrifice, he protected a whole host of Marines and Iraqi Police (including my brother). I decided to comment on the message board, not knowing who would read it or expecting any result from it. After all, it was Memorial Day.

Fast forward to this past Thursday night. My phone rings, it was my brother. He says hang on, someone wants to talk to me. A guy gets on the phone and says "Hi, my name is Patrick, I'm from Boston and I hear you're going there. Get a pen and some paper and I'm going to tell you some great things to do while you're there." We talk, he tells me many secrets of Boston and things to do/not do on our upcoming trip, puts my brother back on the phone. I thanked my brother for being so cool and looking out for me. We ended the conversation and I started thinking about this faceless (to me) Marine named Patrick, and what a privelege it is to come in contact with all these men, via my brother.

Next, I spontaneously open my e-mail. I saw a name I did not recognize in my inbox, JoAnn Lyles. Then, I read this.

Dear Michelle-

Thank you so much for taking the time to write.. How very thoughtful of you- Please thank your brother Matt for me. Hug him tightly. Thank him for his service and for keeping Jordan’s memory alive. I had “Amazingly woven into the lives of so many” carved into Jordan’s headstone. Your brother is another example of the ripple effect of Jordan’s actions. There will be a Wounded Warrior/ Soldier Ride event here in Sag Harbor, New York on July 25th held in Jordan’s honor. Some of 1/9 will participate on a volunteer basis. I have started a team called “TEAM JORDAN”- It’s a bike ride or a walk event. One walk starts in Sag Harbor and will go over the bridge renamed The Lance Corporal Jordan Haerter Veterans Memorial Bridge”.
Thank you again. Hello to Matt. I hope to meet him one day.
Semper Fidelis
JoAnn

JoAnn Lyles
Forever Proud Mom of LCpl Jordan C. Haerter, USMC

Wow. What do you say? This was her son, the one she birthed, nurtured, put band-aids on, tucked in at night, read bedtime stories to, cleaned up his vomit, watched ball games, watched graduate, watched him become a Marine, and somewhere in her mind wondered when he left for that deployment "I wonder if I'll see him again..."

Pray for these men and women today. They are serving so my children can play outside without having to worry about roadside bombs. They are fighting and sweating and missing home so we can drive across this nation without having to worry about going through insurgent areas.

If you don't know anyone to pray for, pick a name... because somewhere, there is a Matt, a Jordan, a Patrick, an Anthony, a Mark. We have the opportunity to approach the throne of grace with confidence. We have a Father who knows what it means to lose a son. I'm not so naive to think that another life will not be lost, after all there is a time for peace and a time for war. My brother has another deployment in a few months, and the realities seem to only become harsher. I do know whom I have believed in, and He is able to work in and through these lives. You see, He also is amazingly woven into the lives of many.

ready ready ready, ready to run.

Here it goes. I've had this on my heart for a week now but haven't had the discipline to sit down and write it out. Probably because I am still figuring it out. And will be for a long time. But the concept is so amazing. And I can't wait to fully grasp hold of it.

Last year I completed a half marathon. I say completed instead of ran, because the running part was so minuscule. In college they offered a class called "walk, jog, run." Well my 13.1 experience was more like run, jog, walk...walk, walk... ok, last ten feet, run!

Since then, I've gained back all the weight I lost. Frustrating? Yes it is. Thanks for asking.

I've tried to do this and to do that to lose the weight, but to no avail. A few weeks ago I was talking to a girl at church and she said they will be running in a h/m in December for St. Judes in Memphis and I should consider joining them in training.

Ha. Right. Not going to subject myself to that again.

Except I am.

They will start training in September, and I really need to start training to train. It's that bad people. So, I've put my running shoes back on. Last week I started walking 1/2 mile, running 1/2 mile, walking, then running again to complete a two mile stretch. It felt so great.

While I was running, I was listening to Justin Rizzo on my iPod. I was listening to the words "His glory will cover the earth" and taking in the beautiful sunset. This is when it all became so real to me.

Life progresses in forward motion. You can't go back. I will never be 25 again, my children will never be newborns again. When I was in the midst of the h/m, what would the point have been in going backwards? What would the point have been if I had stopped and sat for a few weeks? I kept going. Yeah I didn't run it with fervor, but I kept going.

I kept going.

Life. Hello?

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith. 2 Timothy 4:7

It makes so much sense to me. Does it to you?

So, yes, my running shoes are back on. To hopefully complete another h/m, but more importantly with the realization that life is a marathon. You reach mile markers, you rejoice, you hurt, you go through pain, but you continue. You keep moving forward.

this and that.

If I were being paid for blogging, I would concur that I needed to be fired for lack of production. My most sincere apologies. My inbox is overflowing with concern as to where I have been and what I have been doing. Ahem. Now that that is out of the way.

May I tell you what's been on my mind lately? Great, thanks. Coldplay. Yep. Only a few more weeks until we see them in concert with some wonderful friends. I am so excited. We have been listening to them each time we get in the vehicle to optimize our familiarity with all their music.

Also, The Melting Pot. We are going next week with some other wonderful friends to celebrate her birthday and my husband's birthday. I've always wanted to go for a full experience, but have only been granted a peek into the greatness of what is known as The Melting Pot. So exciting!

Our bedroom is coming together nicely. I still need window treatments, so I hope to go to the mecca of fabric stores in our area this weekend to get some fabric to make panels. I'm also looking on etsy at some of the vinyl wall stickers for inspiration. I can have them made a little cheaper here in town, but I'm 75% sure this is the route I want to go for above our headboard.

Alas, W's grandmother had open heart surgery yesterday. The surgery went well but we are still waiting to see how she is today. Please say a prayer for her recovery.

Wild Wild West Week

"Hello, are you there?" is what I feel like someone, somewhere is asking me. My response, "I think so."

Whirlwind. Or, as Will Ferrell would say in Kicking and Screaming, whirling dervish. But I think he was referring to the kids and not to his situation. So, I guess our week has been as a whirling dervish. Point made?

W and I did something on Saturday that we have never done before in our near 5 years of marriage. We bought furniture. Everything in our home has been given to us. We have been so incredibly blessed beyond measure by people who love us. We look forward to the day when a newlywed couple enters our lives and we can show the same kindness we've been shown.

The delivery was scheduled for Wednesday.

On Monday, both of our children came down with some virus. I don't think it was from a swine, but what it produced out of their little bodies was similar to what you may find in a pin of swines. Since that point I have been tending to them. I even forgot to shower until Wednesday.

The virus apparently finished its course on Thursday. This was the scene of our living room all week.



I mentioned we got new furniture, right? Well, we donated all of what was being replaced to our church yard sale. The thing was, the new furniture was being delivered Wednesday. The men from the church couldn't come until Thursday. I can honestly say I loved being able to lay on my bed and watch TV at the same time. I now understand why people have televisions in their bedroom, although I still love that we do not.

Here is a sneak peek of our yet to be decorated lovely new bedroom. I love it.



We are going shopping for a comforter/coverlet/quilt/whatever this afternoon. Quite frankly I'm just excited about getting out of the house and that our children are healthy. Not in that order.

A time to build and a time to tear down.

(Build) I have been glued to my computer this week reading the stories from Compassion's Live Blogger trip to India. There is a special place in my heart for India and the people of that nation. I love reading the accounts of their trip through Angie, Pete, and Melissa. And these pictures will captivate your heart. Maybe one day we will be able to set foot onto the soil of India, but as for now, we pray for those who do (including our friend Megan who is there now).

So, with that said, I can move on to things less relevant and probably of no importance.

But now it seems I can't think of anything. Wonderful.

(Tear Down) Alas, our infamous ugly outbuilding came to its demise yesterday. It had been a long time in the coming. I actually thought it was dilapidated enough that I could take it down myself. I actually asked my father-in-law if a hammer would be enough to do it. He laughed at me. I began to see images of Extreme Home Makeover and wondered if I couldn't just bump it a little with my vehicle and knock it over. He laughed at me again. So, he and W got to work yesterday afternoon and after several hours and much sweating, only 4 posts stand in the ground now. I kept saying as I was watching them take it down "I can't believe I thought I could do this by myself." I surely would have taken a 2x4 to the head. I am excited to put a nicer outbuilding in its place. I think taking the ugly one down added value to our house, in and of itself!

Oh, and my birthday was lovely. It was busy from sunup to sundown, but a great day overall. Sadly my ice cream cake I ordered was much overrated. It must have lost some glory in the last 15 years.

That's about all I can think to write about. Take some time and check out a few of the blogs from Compassion's India trip. And also, take a moment today to let someone know that you appreciate them. I appreciate my husband, and that he has the courage to be out playing golf at sunup:30 in the rain. What a brave man.