Yesterday just seemed to be one of those days. Don't hear me wrong, I'm not complaining - if anything I am overcome with joy that my daughter is healthy.
We had scheduled T-Pup's 3yr well check up, and the measuring of Sam's head in the same appointment. We noticed in April that her head was big, so they've been measuring it every two months since then. Also, she had an ultrasound in April to make sure there was no excess fluid buildup on her brain. At any rate, our appointment was at 10 am. T-Pup's checkup was great, although he did not perform perfectly on his eye exam. Sam's head was around 42mm in July, and yesterday it measured 49.5. It was a considerable jump. The doctor called a neurologist friend of his to see what she would recommend, and we spent a few hours waiting for her to call back. My poor kids were going stir crazy in that office... as was I. She eventually calls back around noon, and says to do a cat scan. I immediately start freaking out in my mind (and the tears are beginning to flow). I'm thinking the worst of worst possibilities. I then remembered something our pastor said while teaching on Revelation, about having a disciplined imagination. That helped. We go to the hospital (the admitting process was so simple, Praise God) and soon after I was laying her on the cat scan table. The nurses were amazing with T-Pup, giving him stickers and letting him watch from the control room. As the scan was beginning and I was holding her head, the flood gates of Heaven opened via my eyes. No parent ever wants to see their child going into one of those machines. Sam stopped crying as it started spinning like she was thinking "whoa, what's this?" and within seconds it was over.
The doc came back to the hospital to see us (this is why we drive an hour to him. He is by far one of our most favorite people in the world) and he went to talk to the pediatric radiologist. No cranial pressure, all of her ventricles are normal sized, something about something protruding. I looked at him and said "break it down, please" (definitely not referring to any possible dance moves) and he said "Michelle, she just has a big head. It's growing faster than her body, and her body will catch up. As long as she is on track developmentally, we're in good shape."
I should have fallen on my knees in praise at that moment, but for whatever reason I could only cry harder. Relief, I suppose? I walked the children to the car and took a few minutes for myself. It was after 2, and we hadn't had lunch, so we hit up Chick-Fil-A. T-Pup ate 8 nuggets, a fruit cup (minus the oranges... like you needed to know) and Sam ate a whole two nuggets and a few fries. It had been a long day and we had hungry bellies.
You know, this summer has impacted my walk with the Lord in a huge way. I feel like our relationship is being completely redefined. I said yesterday in the waiting room "God, I don't even feel like I know who you are anymore...." and when I said it, it literally shook me (worry not, we were the only ones in the waiting room). But I can tell you this: He is faithful. I walked through yesterday with two small children, my husband was 3 hours away, and for all practical reasons I should have felt absolutely vulnerable and terrified. This is how I know He was with me. His rod and His staff, they comfort me. Yeah I was emotional and I know I got some definite looks from people, but who cares. My daughter is healthy and I have a feeling even if she wasn't, He would still be faithful.