Sunday, January 4, 2009

A Heavy Heart

Hope you all had a merry Christmas and happy new year. Our family was struck with a 24 hour stomach virus on December 20 but thankfully... recovered the next day (guess that's the obvious). Our Christmas was wonderful. I love watching the children get so much more into it each year. T-Pup asked many questions and it is evident he is beginning to put the pieces together in his ever expanding mind. The week after Christmas we were blessed that W was off the whole week, so we just had some hard core family time. It was awesome! We ate a lot, watched Cars repeatedly, and really were just able to relax from work and school. Thank you Jesus for such a timely break!

My heart is heavy today. For one, some truly dear friends of ours moved today. We celebrated with them twice yesterday and had a wonderful time. I don't know what it is, but people around us just really never seem to notice us. It's rare anyone (in our small town) calls us and genuinely asks how we are doing. These were the folks who did. And I pray God's abundant blessings on their family. I'm sad they're gone, but this is a friendship I know will last over the years, so I'm not worried. I know the Lord has exciting things in store for their family.

Also, there is a family in our church who lost their 33 year old son yesterday. I have never met that son, but his mother is dear to my heart. We sat next to each other in the nursery for almost 2 years rocking babies and sharing our hearts. She is full of wisdom and grace, and the type of person I hope to be when I'm older. I hurt for her. I can't even imagine.

The only chance we had to go to the funeral home was right after lunch, after church. We had both of our children with us. On the way we were telling T-Pup to be a good boy, that Mr. and Mrs. were very sad - their son had been in a car accident. That's really all the information we shared with him. When we walked in I saw the casket was open and became a little skeptical. I turned to look at W, and he said it was ok, to go ahead. By the time we came to the mother in the receiving line, I was weeping. I hugged her and said "you know I love you?" and it took every breath in me to get that out. She replied "I know you do, I know that you do". She spoke to Sam and T-Pup, and we headed out. On the way out, T-Pup said "Daddy, is that a real man there?" and W responded "yeah bud, it is" and T said "what's he doing?" and W said "remember bud, we told you he was in a bad car accident and it was very sad". No more questions after that... or at least not yet.

I'm trying to figure out how to teach our children the things we don't fully understand. It scares me. W and I were talking once we got home - and some may think bad of us for even taking our kids to the funeral home, but we want to teach them the truth. Everyone experiences death at some point. It is sad, it hurts. But, how great of an oppurtunity we will have tonight when we pray with T-Pup to pray for their family, to pray for God's love and grace.

I just wish it were easier.

But, that's why I'm still learning and still seeking every day... because I, in no way, have it all figured out.

Your kingdom come, your will be done - On earth as it is in Heaven.

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